One-to-one support

You've read the books, bought the online courses (you might have finished them or not), you follow all the "leaders" on social media and yet.... yet, parenting is not going the way you thought it would go. You find yourself at a loss of what to do next.

Why might you want to do book some one-to-one sessions?

“Children, especially highly sensitive children, can be wounded in multiple ways: by bad things happening, yes, but also by good things not happening, such as their emotional needs for attunement not being met,” Gabor Mate

Courses, books, social media mainly talk about the child, changing the child, doing something so the child somehow changes. We often forget that children aren't a "thing" by themselves. Children are part of a family (and a larger community) and if the adults in the environment are not doing well, the children can't do well either. Some Respectful parenting leader do mention "doing the work" and healing yourself- but they forget that we can only heal in a safe relationship and it is rare to be able to heal by yourself. We are humans, we need community. Dr. Peter Levine said, “trauma is not what happens to us, but what we hold inside in the absence of an empathetic witness. Healing is the same- we need an empathetic witness.

In order to be the parent we want to be- we need to look after ourselves.

Why do we start with ourselves? Children's nervous systems are mapped onto the one's of the adults they spend time with (including childminders, nursery teachers, teachers); if the adults are not truly regulated (which most of us aren't and have never been) then the children can't be regulated either. Another reason is that children learn by watching the adults (there is no such thing as "teaching"- children will learn from what is being modelled); so are we modelling regulation?

What does it mean to be regulated?

It means you can stay in your body - without "working" on it- and not be overly affected by what is going on around you. So when your child has a tantrum you don't either get angry or have to go through "regulating" exercises such as breathing; you are just there, not bothered, able to observe what's going on, able to respond appropriately without having to rely on a script from the Internet. Being regulated means having the capacity to observe your children and then plan the environment for them. Being regulated means being able to have healthy boundaries- it's near impossible to have boundaries when in a state of overwhelm.

How do I know all that?

Because I am a trained Montessori teacher and somatic therapist who was deep in burnout once my second was born (in the midst of the pandemic and a house move!) and who could not parent the way I wanted to. I spent years on "the edge" always having to "regulate" because I was so overwhelmed. What was I missing? A professional empathetic relationship and enough childcare.

What will working together mean? My goal is to help parents get in touch with their authentic self so they can lead a vibrant personal and parent life in line with their values and hopes. Once parents know who they truly are and are regulated everything else will fall into place

How I work

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You won't see any "scripts" in my workshops or one-to-one sessions. I won't tell you what to do either. Your children know what they need from you and you know what they need. I will guide you and support you in discovering what that is and how to balance their needs and your needs. My work always starts with nervous system re-balancing or balancing if you were born (like a lot of us) with a disregulated nervous system. Slowly we add Montessori/Respectful parenting strategies and if you want to (because everything I offer is a choice) we can explore Compassionate enquiry and IFS to dig deeper into unhelpful patterns).